A glimpse of hope

I made an astounding observation today. And it calls for another happy dance!

From the beginning of my eye saga, now over a year ago, every ophthalmologist who reviewed any of the four sonograms of my left eye told me there was liquid flowing close to my optic nerve, and that this liquid was causing the dark grey cloud obstructing most (85+%) of my vision. And each of them advised me to brace myself and not to expect any improvement in my vision, no matter what the treatment course was.

Okay, I accepted that.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

George Orwell

Much of the time this past year, I kept my left eye closed. My good eye vision, graded 20/30, is not as clear when both eyes are open. I can’t say if this is true, but I surmised that my brain is not pleased to receive conflicting visual messages. I do know that when I close my left eye, my world was its beautiful self.

Only since the brachytherapy (localised radiation) three weeks ago have I been wearing an eye patch, either on my eye or over my reading glasses. The first patch was put on at the hospital and they told me I could remove it in a few days.

Well, I can tell you, when I did remove the patch, my eye was hideous to look at—not only was it terribly bloodshot, but the pupil wasn’t aligned with my normal eye, pointing outward from my face. Into this ugly eye, I had to drop the prescribed medicine every four hours.

Over the next weeks, right up to today, I didn’t leave our apartment often. The few times I did, I wore sunglasses and/or an eye patch. But even at home, working at my computer, I had the left glass covered. No one needed to see my repulsive eye, not even my honey.

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But… it is better to be good than to be ugly.

Oscar Wilde

All this meant that since the surgeries, I have not tried to look out of my left eye. Without the right eye. Until this afternoon.

What I observed today is that the grey cloud in my eye is (maybe) lifting!

No, my eye is not healed. Of course, not. I don’t have even passable vision in my bum eye. And it’s still quite bloodshot.

But I definitely can see more (15-20% more?) than I could see in the past year. How unexpected!

And now I dare to hope.

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.

Barbara Kingsolver

That’s all I wanted to share with you today. A little ray of hope. It made me so happy.

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By Francisca

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