Steps toward healing

When I receive a slew of messages from friends around the world checking in with me, it’s a telling sign that I’ve been neglecting this online journal. So, deep breath in, deep breath out, this post is an attempt to update you on what’s been going on in my life these past few months since I last shared my musings on miracles and mystery.

A new home

A rather enormous event that took much of our time and energy was our move to our new digs. If you recall the rooftop parable in my last post, we listened to the universe and took the proverbial canoe.

Why is our home halo-halo? Because our entire spacious two-bedroom ground floor suite (no, it’s not a basement, Judi) is furnished mostly with pre-loved furniture that generous friends and local community neighbors have gifted, with just a few items purchased on the cheap on FB Marketplace or in a thrift store. Function took precedence over form. Nothing matches.

To achieve style, begin by affecting none.

E.B. White

There’s a traditional couch, a few contemporary pieces in wood and metal, a touch of country and shabby chic, a hand-painted Japanese antique desk, assorted styles of lamps, all of which astoundingly, if I may say, add up to cozy eclectic. It will never be showcased in a home décor magazine, but that never was an aspiration.

It’s dim

One thing that had at first bothered me about this suite is that while we have full-sized windows, the deck on the upper floor and an unused hot tub markedly block the daylight. In every place we’ve ever lived, we’ve enjoyed plenty of light, and it has always been important to us.

Turns out, I’ve happily come to realize that brightness is harder on my eyes, or conversely, the dimmer light is more soothing. How unexpected!

Always remain open to turns and surprises along the way. Welcome to the unexpected.

Rick Rubin

In addition, it’s cool inside the suite when it’s scorching outside. Thank you, universe!

Helping hands

Getting to this point of comfort and joy was not without the magnanimous helping hands of family and friends. We are infinitely grateful.

It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us.

Epicurus

The physical transport of furniture and boxes was an undertaking we do not expect—do not want—to repeat in the future. Nor do our helpers, I boldly say! It was exhausting. Next time we need to move, we hope to afford to hire a moving company.

Walk

But that is well behind us. We now live in a much smaller community, 40 km/25 mi from downtown Vancouver—an easy 40- to 60-minute drive or a bit longer with public transit. Spectacular nature and many parks with trails to walk surround us.

And walk we do! The trails offer more than just beautiful scenery—they’ve become a crucial part of my wellness routine. We have explored various trails and have found one in an old tree forest nearby that we now walk three to four times a week.

As I navigate my ongoing health journey, these walks provide both physical movement and mental clarity. The steady rhythm of walking, with its up and down hills, not only strengthens my body but also offers a peaceful counterbalance to the stress of medical appointments and the uncertainties of my health. This simple act of walking has become a form of healing, reminding me to stay grounded and connected to the world around me, no matter what challenges arise.

Walking is the exact balance between spirit and humility.

Gary Snyder

Current wisdom says that sitting is the new smoking. My honey finds this walking routine is the easiest way to nudge me out of my chair in front of this computer. LOL. He’s so right.

A legend

One fun diversion for me these past months was to prepare for a study session that Rose, founder of Carl Jung Circle Center, assigned to Oliver, its current president, and me. The assignment was to share insights into the Chinese psyche through their legends and myths. For my part, I thought it was appropriate in the Year of the Dragon, to tell the Legend of Longmu (Dragon Mother).

Notice anything different about this story? Well, there are a few things that stuck out for me. First, there aren’t that many female protagonists in Chinese myths, a reflection of its patriarchal social structure, so I was pleased to find this one.

Second, there was a lot to say about the symbolism of dragons, the most striking point being the sharp contrast between how dragons are viewed in China and in the West. In Western lore, dragons are often depicted as malevolent or destructive, posing threats to heroes and kingdoms, whereas in Chinese culture, dragons are generally seen as benevolent and auspicious beings that bring good fortune and protection. That reflects very different mindsets, yes?

Culture is the widening of the mind and of the spirit.

Jawaharlal Nehru

Why am I sharing this with you? Cultural stories, like the Legend of Longmu, expand our understanding and appreciation of different traditions and values. My travels and exposure to different cultures are a significant part of who I am.

On a personal level, as I reflect on my heroine’s journey, I relate to the caring and nurturing Wen Shi. To me, she represents the atypical mother—one who mothers without bearing children. I dare say that I, too, have nurtured many who are not my offspring. I feel gratified by that. And to be clear, no, I’m not expecting to be elevated to divinity. LOL.

Medical update

Over the last three and a half months, I’ve been back to the oncologist, the ocular oncologist, an onco-dermatologist, and a rheumatologist. In addition, because there is always the possibility of recurrence or metastasis, and the breast and liver remain the key suspects, I submitted to another liver MRI and mammogram.

This section may present a case of TL;DR. If you’re not interested in the nitty gritty, skip it, and know that despite the ongoing medical monitoring, I feel optimistic, and I’ve learned to navigate these health challenges with a sense of calm and gratitude.

From the oncologist, I learned nothing new. During that appointment, I happened to have an unexpected open sore on my shin, and perhaps feeling just a tad skittish, I asked her if she knew what skin cancer looked like. The doctor referred me to a skin cancer specialist, as well as to a rheumatologist (to follow up on the Dupuytren’s disease in my hands and a tinge of frozen shoulder), and a bone specialist (to address the slight osteoporosis in the hip).

The body continues to disappoint, even as I feel strong and healthy. And happy.

My left eye was once again fully examined. First, a repeat of the diagnostic tests, all done within the eye clinic:

1. Fluorescein angiogram
2. Digital color photos
3. OCT scans
4. Autofluorescence imaging (FAF)

Then a consultation with my ocular oncologist, one of the most respected ophthalmologists in North America. She is nothing, if not thorough. On whether my tumor was metastasis or melanoma, she reiterated that my case is unique; however, based on how the tumor was behaving (and reacting to the brachytherapy), she was now firmly leaning toward concluding that it is a melanoma, meaning an original cancer site, not cancerous cells transmitted from my breast.

Her conclusion does not make me feel any more confident about the state of my body and the risks I still face for metastasis, except now from the tumor in my eye instead of my breast. Sigh.

The good news was that the eye tumor had shrunk and was not active. But get this: it shrunk from the initial 2.2 mm to 1.8 mm. I doubt the naked eye can even see 0.4 mm (0.01574803 inch)!

As for the MRI and mammogram, she did not even mention them, so I deduced they were, once again, clear. (I’ll say again that I find it annoying that I am not given copies of the diagnostic reports.)

Her last words to me in this session were, “Don’t worry. It’s my job to worry.”

My next appointment with her is in January. I’ll take her advice and not worry, although, as anyone who knows me knows, on that I hardly needed to be advised.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Leo Buscalia

The visit to the onco-dermatologist was short. The sore I had wanted him to look at had fully healed on its own, but I had taken a photo. He looked at it after doing a full ocular body scan. He said it probably was benign, and there was no need to do anything. His only prescription was to avoid getting sunburned. Ummm, yeah.

Another short visit was with the rheumatologist. What I got from her is a referral to get a sonogram on my palm. That’s not to learn more about the Dupuytren’s nodules and chords in both my hands that have remained steady; nothing to do there than hope there’s no progression. Rather, over a year I’ve developed a tiny hard ball that feels like a calcium deposit and it causes me more pain than any of my other medical conditions.

That leaves attending in October (!) my appointment with the bone specialist, plus telling you about my interview with a general practitioner in our new community.

Concluding words

I adore my life with my honey. We are both quite content in our new home. I joyfully serve a handful of business clients. The summer seems to have been a short one, and thankfully not too hot, or is time just moving faster?

In any event, and much more important than my litany of physical complaints, we are living our best lives, one day at a time.

We don’t so much solve our problems as we outgrow them. We add capacities and experiences that eventually make us bigger than the problems.

Carl Gustav Jung

How is your summer going? What resonates with you in all this today? Do you have any questions? I’d be tickled if you leave me a comment. Thanks for reading.