A recurring theme in this online journal, thus far loosely focused on my heroine’s journey with cancer, has been letting go and acceptance. Like the times I wrote about letting go of our stuff, of outcomes, and of emotions like FOMO. Or when I shared my insights about what surrender means to me. These reflections are more often than not universal and apply to everyday living. Life challenges come in countless forms; cancer is but one.
There is cause for optimism that my cancer journey is behind me. Although I have not yet discussed it with my oncologists, the last PET scan report I received a few days ago shows that there appear to be no new melanomas or metastases. Yay!
Still, I am inclined to keep journaling here occasionally and invite you to stick around. If nothing else, my reflections may bring up a thought or two about your own life.
As there are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up the pen to write.
William Makepeace Thackeray
In our last group legacy journaling session, our central topic was holding and unfolding, which are closely related to my previous musings, and so, from the prompts given, the words flowed easily for me. Even so, I gained a few new insights I can share with you today.
What I’m no longer holding
For most of my life, I’ve travelled and consider myself both a globetrotter and a world citizen. Literally from the day I was conceived I have been on the move. I’ve lived and worked in a dozen countries; last count, I’ve visited 68, many multiple times. (A bit more on that here or here).
Travel—exploring unknown places—has long been my passion and a big part of who I am.
I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.
Susan Sontag
So, it came as a bit of a jolt to me when, a few months ago, my honey and I agreed to cancel my best-laid plans for us to fly to the Maritimes (eastern Canada) to do a road trip to delight in the autumn splendour. Why? Simply because the convoluted logistics outweighed our desire for the experience; we lost the mood. And so, it did not happen.
In the past, my honey has in turn been an enthusiastic tag-along or a reluctant drag-along. Yet he’s rarely, if ever, regretted coming along on any of the adventures I planned for us. In my mind, there are still so many places in the world to explore and learn about, and yet—big sigh—the notion is now settling in that most, if not all, of those places will remain undiscovered by me or us. The itchy feet have finally settled!
It’s the realization that I’m shedding the role of globetrotter. Not denying it—that person exists in my history. World traveller will remain a key feature of my identity. But I’m recognizing that she’s not the only version of me.
And I’m not saying I’ll never board an airplane again. Who knows what the future will bring. I may be going through a down phase. Or someone may dangle a big, luscious carrot of a trip plan I cannot refuse. Que sera, sera.
Rather, I’m no longer holding on to that part of my self-concept that zealously wanted to see a new place every year. And although it saddens me a bit as I let that sink in, it’s not an overwhelming emotion. I’m still going with the flow. It’s not as if there aren’t places to explore by car in this beautiful province we now live in.
What is unfolding
Then something deeper popped up worth exploring again. This journaling reminded me of a second insight, and it relates to this quote:
It’s our own ability to have an idea and go after the idea and make it happen. That’s what at the end of the day defines us.
Satya Nadella
For most of my adult life, I believed with Nadella that making things happen defined me. But I’m learning I don’t have to be the architect of every experience. Much like my earlier reflection on surrendering, this again chips away at my need to control. And that may be the larger piece of wisdom that has arisen for me this week.
I can now live without big, audacious goals. Going with the flow of life has taken on a gentler meaning for me as I surrender to the aging process.
I’m transitioning from doing to being. Perhaps that’s the real adventure—learning to embrace again what unfolds, rather than always chasing what’s next.
I’d love to hear from you: What adventure are you discovering in the letting go?
Your next step
If my journaling resonates with you, and you feel you’re ready to embark on your own guided journaling, I invite you to sign up for Ardis Mayo’s waiting list to hear about the next round of her Journaling Circle. She’s whispered to me that tentatively the next one will start early in the new year. Something to look forward to!
PS. I also invite you to sign up to get notified when I post. Go to and click on the hamburger (three horizontal lines) at the top right of the page and submit your email. Your address is safe with me.
I often wonder what the oak tree (and others) ‘feel’ as they release their beautiful leaves and stand bare in the cold winter winds. I am sure it has to do with their roots which are entwined with others in ways we don’t fully understand. So too…our lives become entwined with others, most of whom we never see (like the readers of our blogs) and give us strength and courage when we feel like we have given up so much. Could it be that we have just begun to travel deep instead of wide??
Travel deep instead of wide… a profound thought, Ardis. Reframing “experiences” into “learnings” is a meaningful step towards the deeper wisdom. 🌸🙏🌸