In the midst of my third diagnostic test prescribed by my new ocular oncologist, I felt full of eager anticipation for uncovering the mysteries of my left eye. A mere two weeks ago, she set the course for a series of tests aimed at revealing any potential spread of cancer in my body. Today it was for an MRI to check my liver, one of the key sites for metastases. It turned out to be another...
Acceptance is not resignation. That’s a phrase that’s curiously popped up for me from a few different sources this past week–on a Facebook meme, in a guided meditation, in an email newsletter. I’d say it’s synchronicity in action. And I reflect on what that might mean in my uncomfortable situation of not yet knowing what exactly is the nature of the tumor in my eye and how...
Today, I returned to the eye clinic, and the outcome of all the tests done so far is to do more tests. Getting to that outcome was an interesting process for me. I arrived at the clinic at the appointed time, 9:15. Within half an hour, I was called in, but not to see the esteemed ocular oncologist I had expected to see. I was first interviewed and examined by a young intern from Australia. After...
My honey and I are now in beautiful British Columbia. We landed in Canada 16 weeks ago, and these weeks passed with many graces, as well as the red tape hurdles posed by our return. With most of them behind us, we were starting to feel settled into our new (albeit temporary) home and looking ahead to building our new life. Settled—until today. The grief with my left eye began just over ten months...
I have good news to share with you, dear friend and reader. But I am struggling with how to draft it as an entry that makes your time reading it not wasted with useless drivel. So, in case you want to skip the read, let me start by blurting out the news: there’s “probably” no cancer in my eye. And that news alone is worth celebrating! Do a happy dance with me! The rest below are mundane details...
Today I offer my initial reflections on our navigating a major life change and embracing the complexity of emotions this entails. My journey through liminal space continues. The pace of our transitioning between continents is that of a snail. And for the time being, that still feels mostly okay, even as the days on the calendar whizz by, as they have been for many months, even years, now. Our...
Our bodies are amazing. When every part functions well, it’s easy to take them for granted. And perhaps not to take as good care of them as they deserve. It’s when something goes wrong, when I feel pain or get ill, that I am called to look at how I could do better to sustain this thing we call the temple of our soul. What happened to me last week is my upper back—somewhere in the right middle...
PET-CT scans, a fourth ophthalmologist… and still no firm diagnosis for my eye. The future is murky. Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. William Osler This post is a brief update on what’s been going on in my little bubble since my medical oncologist expressed doubt about the my blurry vision being caused by metastasis of my breast cancer that was near stage 0. That...