For the longest time, I misunderstood the meaning of the word surrender. Or at least I had a narrow or restricted definition for surrender. For the longest time, I thought surrender meant to give up or to give in. Like waving the white flag in a war. To me that meant: To give up agencyTo give in to addiction(s)To give up critical thinkingTo give in to the opinion of othersTo give up...
As I sat down to review and record my thoughts and feelings about my anti-cancer program, I came to realize that I’ve not shared much of anything about the radiation treatment process itself. I want to journal that because I’m pretty sure now that it’s all over, I’ll soon forget. Perhaps much like (some) mothers “forget” the intensity of their labor pains over time after giving birth (and no, I’m...
Watching my body age in real time is humbling. But maybe it doesn’t matter. Like most people, I have body parts that I don’t particularly like. My head and hands are too small. My arms and legs are too big. You know, that kind of thing. I’d be surprised if you can’t relate, as most humans struggle more or less with some kind of negative body image issue. Either it’s how we mentally “see” our body...
I am transfixed with what is happening in Eastern Europe, specifically in Ukraine. And it gives me more than a bit of jitters. As I wrote almost two weeks ago, no war is tolerable. Yet the outcome of this one in Ukraine will affect us all. Global geopolitics being what it presently is, with the west-led order (read: democracy) in decline and autocracy on the rise, depending on how and when this...
In our home, we’ve been without access to internet for well over 24 hours as I write this. There are two things top of mind for me right now; the situation in Ukraine and the situation with my body. In both cases, I feel unsettled not knowing what is going on and what is going to happen next. And in both cases, a large part of me is inclined to feel out of control, like a disconsolate bystander...
As long as men have walked the face of this earth, wars have come and gone. None have been kind, just, or even acceptable, when you believe in peace, as I do. But not all wars have the same global impact. I see the unprovoked invasion of the democratic nation of Ukraine as the beginning of a war that may alter humanity forever, much like the two World Wars and 9/11 did. I say may, because this is...
I’ve not been writing about my experience with radiation sessions because not much of interest was coming up for me, in body sensations or in feelings. Aside from an itchy raw rash that popped up on my chest and a bit of extra fatigue, the procedure seemed rather benign. Until this past Friday. In my second to last session, 15th of 16 in total, the radiation machine, called a linear...
My honey and I adore each other. Our love runs deep and our love languages are in total sync. Yet we argue. We argue a lot, like the proverbial cat and dog (pardon the metaphor; I know plenty of cats and dogs play nice). We argue almost daily, now for over three decades. Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you. John Wooden By the way, with my honey...