On beauty


Does beauty offer refuge from all the upsetting news we hear daily? From our own pains and sorrows? The Aphrodite, goddess of beauty, in me says: yes. It certainly does for me. Last week, I presented in an online event my experience how beauty I find every day all around me brings enchantment to my soul and healing to my body. I was delighted that the audience joyfully received my sharing. Let me...

I am done


It’s the fifth time I’m bucking the advice of my oncologist. I’ve already shared in this online journal about the time when I questioned the dosage of herceptin, when I insisted to remove Benadryl from the pre-infusion list of drugs, when I had to push to have him agree to my getting a portal catheter inserted, and when I freaked at the cost of the hormonal therapy he prescribed. Now I’ve decided...

I’m grieving


Tonight, I grieve for the Philippines. Over 80% of voting adults went to the polls to elect their next government “servants” today, from top down to members of city councils—president, vice-president, senators, and a ridiculous amount more. The stakes for national positions were high. While there were ten candidates vying for each of the top two positions (president and vice-president are voted...

My attentions


Today I turned 67. That number says neither old nor young to me. But I can say emphatically that my mind feels a lot younger than my disappointing body. I write that smiling broadly. As I was musing about this latest turn around the sun, I thought to do an inventory of the key areas that get my attention. Why do this? I believe we live in an attention economy. As social beings, we pay attention...

I can now surrender


For the longest time, I misunderstood the meaning of the word surrender. Or at least I had a narrow or restricted definition for surrender. For the longest time, I thought surrender meant to give up or to give in. Like waving the white flag in a war. To me that meant: To give up agencyTo give in to addiction(s)To give up critical thinkingTo give in to the opinion of othersTo give up...

What radiation was like


As I sat down to review and record my thoughts and feelings about my anti-cancer program, I came to realize that I’ve not shared much of anything about the radiation treatment process itself. I want to journal that because I’m pretty sure now that it’s all over, I’ll soon forget. Perhaps much like (some) mothers “forget” the intensity of their labor pains over time after giving birth (and no, I’m...

Body thoughts


Watching my body age in real time is humbling. But maybe it doesn’t matter. Like most people, I have body parts that I don’t particularly like. My head and hands are too small. My arms and legs are too big. You know, that kind of thing. I’d be surprised if you can’t relate, as most humans struggle more or less with some kind of negative body image issue. Either it’s how we mentally “see” our body...

A pivotal moment


I am transfixed with what is happening in Eastern Europe, specifically in Ukraine. And it gives me more than a bit of jitters. As I wrote almost two weeks ago, no war is tolerable. Yet the outcome of this one in Ukraine will affect us all. Global geopolitics being what it presently is, with the west-led order (read: democracy) in decline and autocracy on the rise, depending on how and when this...

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